nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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