I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
