Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
