I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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