he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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