I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
