Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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