I heard we made out
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
