worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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