it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
