as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I checked into jail on foursquare
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm too high and old for this...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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