whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
