SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
