he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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