I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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