I just threw up on my dentist
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
