His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
