Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
