Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
