Already got asked if we're dating
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
