I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
