what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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