We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
