coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
