i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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