if you like me you must not know who I am
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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