70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
