i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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