haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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