the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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