There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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