Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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