so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
