Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
