dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
