it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
