I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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