i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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