I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
