So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
