You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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