I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
