Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
