I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
