haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
