Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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