the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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