No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
