you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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