I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
