that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's a Shit stain on my heart
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
