It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
