"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
