Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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