my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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