she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
