I'm going to jail i love you
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
