Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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