i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
