Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
