dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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