I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
