I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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