I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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