Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
