let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
