I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
