She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
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You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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