The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
love makes seman taste better
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
