Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
