We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Randomize
