when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
