Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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