I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My vagina just clenched in fear
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
