Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
