I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
