apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
