I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That accounts for only three of the penises
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
