Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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