She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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