Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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