My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
