I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
