I wish my penis had an off switch
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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